Sunday, August 06, 2006

The Beauty of Capitalism

As many of my friends can attest, I am an unabashed fan of all things quirky, offbeat, and off-message.  In short, I am drawn to social train-wrecks of all sorts.  In college, I would run home from class to watch Jerry Springer every day.  I went to Nuevo Laredo to buy a glittery, silver-painted Buddha, because of course, nothing screams Mexican culture like a 2 ft. tall, ceramic Buddha in glitter paint.  So when we were in Cancun and my sisters came back from the market and claimed that a large percentage of the tourist T-shirts had nothing to do with Mexico, Cancun, the beach, or tourism in general, I was intrigued.

Venturing down to the market, I laid eyes on what I would consider the penultimate achievement of capitalism and free markets.

The Front
T-Shirt FrontThe front of the shirt is innocuous enough,  It reads, "Guess Who Just Got A New Daddy" and has a picture of a blond haired face in some sort of helmet/goggle combo.  Could be that the man has become some sort of father-figure, and the back will have one of those Tequila Rage/Stupid Teen/Spring Break/ "Girls Gone Wild" type quips on the back.  Only upon closer inspection do you realize that the man looks like a real bad caricature of George "Dubya" Bush.  What does Dubya have to do with Spring Break, Cancun, or Mexico, you ask?  Other than some questions about how he spent his youth, I have no idea.  Let's turn the shirt over and find out.

The Back
Flipping the shirt over, we discover that it is a picture of...I need to emphasize this so you can truly appreciate the awesomeness of it all...GEORGE BUSH IN MILITARY GARB GIVING SADDAM A SPANKING WHILE OSAMA LOOKS ON FORLORNLY FROM THE DISTANCE! Aside from the gratuitous asses depicted since both Saddam and Osama have their pants off, I have no idea what this has to do with Cancun.  I especially like the hand prints on the rumps of the "bad guys" and the "stars of liberty pain" emanating from their posteriors.  Just to let you know that "Dubya" is a tough, but fair, disciplinarian.

The Burning Question
What kind of person dreamt up this shirt?  Was it a Mexican with a US-type streak of patriotism?  What made them think there was a market for a shirt like this?  Of course, I HAD to pick one up!  I only wish I had it in time for 4th of July!  What a conversation starter!

Imagine, me at an Independence Day BBQ talking to some random person about my shirt:
RANDOM PERSON: So, I see by your shirt that you support the war in Iraq?
ME: Actually, I support spanking as a form of international discipline.
RANDOM PERSON: Huh?
ME: I also support being a daddy!  I think there's not enough love in this world.  Want to see pictures of my son?

Ahh...good times, good times.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Carolyn said...

You are so very random. As if the shirt wasn't strange enough, your commentary has left me wondering how we came from the same gene pool. Please provide ample warning whenever you plan on wearing that in public.

7:50 AM  
Anonymous GEG said...

You're starting to wear her down - Carolyn is now admitting she is from the same gene pool!

12:32 PM  
Anonymous tracie said...

oh eddie. it's things like this that make me proud to be your sister...

1:42 PM  
Blogger egoodwin said...

You'll have all the warning you need when you hear my car driving down the street blaring "God Bless The USA" by Lee Greenwood at top volume!

Now excuse me while I get back to growing my mullet out!

10:20 PM  

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